Life does not happen TO you, it happens FOR you.
Yesterday when my alarm went off at 5am I had butterflies in my stomach. I could barely sleep the night before due to the excitement of the coming day. When I woke up, I rolled over and touched the empty space beside me, this could only mean one thing… Kirk was not home from work yet. Kirk works nights so it is often difficult to get him to come to things that are required for you to wake up at a decent time, but yesterday was different.. I did not give him a choice.
6:00am rolled around and Kirk was finally lying in bed next to me. We were leaving in four hours, so I knew he would have to wake up in three. I left the bed to let him get the best sleep possible. As I went out to the couch I began to think that maybe I shouldn’t make him come. My parents were enough. Then I thought back to the lessons I am learning in my current Audible book called “Mastering your Mean Girl”. I realized that I was not lucky to have Kirk make an effort to come and support me on my big day, I was grateful. I realized that demanding Kirk to wake up once and a while to do something that is important to me is not cruel, it is honouring my self-worth. I realized, in that moment, that ever since Kirk started working nights I lowered my worth by allowing him to ditch at the last minute. So, when 9:00am rolled around, I got him up and ready. I am not going to lie, he was definitely grumpy at first, but as soon as we were in the car I could see his happiness.
I knew in that moment I made the right decision.
At 11:30am we arrived at the University of Toronto campus, we walked through Hart House and ate an amazing lunch, all the while I was filled with happiness that three of my biggest supporters were there with me. Then it was time to get my gown and get ready for the ceremony. Putting on the gown and wearing the signature UofT white, fluffy hood I was filled with pride. I was so proud that I made it. I was graduating from one of the toughest and most influential post-secondary schools around the world. I walked upstairs with my head held high to wait in a room while we got ready for the ceremony.
I checked in and received the program for the ceremony. As I was looking through the program I noticed something that I did not know would be highlighted during the ceremony, we were not just broken up in Honours Bachelor of Science and Bachelor of Science, but into categories of High Distinction and Distinction. As I looked through the lists and at the people around me I began to feel unworthy. I was not on either list. I was “just” graduating with a Honours Bachelor of Science from one of THE toughest schools globally and I was ashamed. As I stood in the third row, lined up with my fellow graduates, I couldn’t help but look over at the others who had accomplished more than me and feel like I just did not belong. I was filled with jealously. In that moment I did not want to be there.
As we entered Convocation Hall I held my head up high and cheered for every person who walked across the stage. I may be competitive. I may get jealous, but I am in NO WAY a sore “loser”. I am always gracious. As my turn approached I began to get nervous. The kind of nervous that is mixed with butterflies of excitement. I then walked across the stage and the feeling I had, The PRIDE I had in my accomplishment took over. I was beaming ear to ear, and in that moment I knew I was WORTHY of the degree I received.
I graduated from University of Toronto with a Honours Bachelor of Science with a 3.0. I worked my butt off, even when I did not want to and I deserve and am worthy of every praise and most importantly, I am worthy of that $50,000 paper (lol).
I am here to remind you, that although you may not be at the top. If you are living, if you are happy and if you have achieved ANYTHING in your life you are worthy of being here. And when I say ANYTHING I mean it! If you can talk, walk and go to the bathroom by yourself you are worthy of being on this Earth! We have all accomplished things big and small in our lives and each and everyone of us are worthy of those accomplishments. Whether they took you longer than expected or they came quickly you are WORTHY.