Who am I?
That question is something I have been asking myself since I cancelled my applications to pharmacy school in January.
I was always so sure of who I was. I was always so sure that I was a diehard scientist who would be willing to work hours on end for her income. I was always so sure that the best thing you can do in life is to get the highest degree possible in school, follow what society deems is the “right” way and work your ass off until retirement. I watched my father do just that. I watched him provide my family with everything we would have ever dreamed of by working so hard that he popped blood vessels in his eyes. I listened to his story of serving his country so he could pay for his schooling and help my mom with hers. I watched as he climbed up ladders in his business, always moving from one promotion to the next. I watch him spread himself thin, and I always thought that was how it was supposed to be.
Then I was introduced to a world where being happy and healthy was a source of wealth.
At first, I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted to be the hot science student and that was it. Then I watched some of my biggest role models live a life of freedom and happiness, and I started to second guess what I thought a successful life looked like. I cancelled my pharmacy application, I dove head deep into personal development and I began to question who I was… who I AM.
Over the past 11 months I have completely changed my outlook on life. It all began because I said yes to an opportunity that I was drawn to immediately, in a way I have never been drawn to something before. I asked little questions and I took the necessary steps to become successful.
It was divine intervention.
I was deeply unhappy. I was overweight, struggling with my finances and self-worth. I was anxious every single day and I was pushing myself to do things I was just not passionate about anymore.
Through my road as a coach I have done many things that show me just how brave I really am. I cancelled my pharmacy application. I began to question if medication is the right way for so many people (something I had never questioned before). I put my faith in other people’s laps, allowing for them to care for me rather than me caring for them. I put myself first, something that I have never done. But most importantly, I changed my inner thoughts from fear to love.
Throughout this process I have completely changed my entire identity, and with it came a profound sense of anxiety. Who I am is nowhere near who I was a year ago. I am more loving, caring, accepting and open-minded… but that also made me feel lost. If I am not a stressed-out scientist than who I am? Then I came to a profound realization:
I am Morgan.
I am who I am. I inspire people because of who I am. I am obnoxious, loud, fun, enthusiastic, caring, loving, kind and open-hearted. I am someone who strives every day to live a life better than yesterday. I am someone who loves their body and mind so much that only the best possible food goes into both. I am someone who loves themselves so dearly that I allow others to love themselves. I am Morgan. I am NOT Morgan the coach, or Morgan the dancer, or Morgan the scientist, or Morgan the sister, the daughter, the girlfriend.
I am just ME.
This has been hard for me to grasp. It has been hard because society makes it hard. When someone asks you what you do for a living you often have to say a job title.. but why can’t it just be “I am being myself”. When I hashtag things on Instagram I am supposed to have a compiled list of pre-thought out tags that summarize who I am as a person. But I am not a stiff set of hashtags or identities, I am fluid. The Morgan I was yesterday may not be the Morgan I am today. Over the past 24 hours I have learned things that have made me better, moved me closer to love, and allowed for me to help more people. I have done things that have taught me lessons and I have done things that have taught others lessons. I have led with passion and heart and I am a better person. THAT is who I am. I am a better person than I was yesterday.
My sole purpose in life is to be better than I was yesterday.
My sole purpose is to fill my body and mind with more love, and to find ways to become my best possible self. The thing is.. this is not JUST who I am. This is who everyone is. You do not have to find out who you are. You do not have to have a unique set of criteria that tells people who you are. You just have to be YOU. So the next time someone asks you what you do for living tell them you become better than you were yesterday. I bet they will resonate with you on some level.