Yesterday I almost went over the edge in judging myself and questioning where I am. I was having a conversation with someone who I love dearly, and they asked me what I was going to do this weekend. Everyone has gone to various cottages for the long weekend, but I opted to stay home by myself, in need of some alone time. I answered that I would be doing pretty much what I do throughout the week (for those of you who know what is like to be building an empire, you cannot afford to take many days off). The person who I was talking to laughed and said “So nothing?”. I laughed along with them and I did not really think anything of it. I carried on with my day, mixed my turbo juice, started my workout, but as I continued to workout this person’s comment kept coming back to me. I then began to become increasingly angry until I got to the point where I was blaring my music and fighting to not punch a wall.
With the endorphins still coursing through my veins, I thought about why I became so angry. I have come a long way, especially over the past month, to get rid of my limiting beliefs around my business. I worked really hard to not allow comments like to break me. Hell.. I had just come back from an interview the day before where the gentleman was clearly judging my life choices and I looked him in the eye and felt nothing. I was calmed by the fact that I knew this was my life’s purpose. But this comment threw me right over the edge. I wanted to know WHY, but the thing is I probably will never know exactly why some comments bother me more than others, and I do not really care to know, I just want to know how to get through them when they do.
I knew immediately I needed to meditate.
My meditation practice began early on in my career as a health and fitness coach. After completing my first ever program, I received gifts from my coaches to congratulate me. One of these gifts was a deck of affirmation cards from Gabrielle Bernstein’s bestselling book “Miracles Now”. After receiving these cards in the mail, I messaged the woman who sent them to me asking her how I use them. Wanting an EXACT answer I was slightly disappointed when she said it was really up to me. She shared with me how she used her affirmation cards, telling me she sat silently for x amount of minutes and then pulled three cards. This freaked me out, to me this sounded A LOT like meditation (that’s because it was #duh). Although I was scared, and never, EVER thought I would participate in meditation in my entire life I decided to try it.
I did it like this for a while, but as my interest in the affects that this practice was having on me grew I started to experiment with my own forms of meditation and card pulling. I am the WORST with sitting still for a certain amount of minutes. So a few months after the start of my practice I decided to add mantras to my daily meditation routine. That helped somewhat, but I just was not feeling the release I wanted. I am now happy to say that after almost a year of trying I have FINALLY found a form of “meditation” that works for me. I put meditation in quotations because I know that what I am doing is pretty much yoga with A LOT of deep breathing, but it gives me the release I need and I finally feel connected to my deck of cards.
After every 10 minute session I can feel the cards I am going to pull, and after yesterday’s I was blown away by how accurate they were! Essentially, the message I received from the four cards was that I needed to let my anger live in the past and not allow it to ruin the future. So that is exactly what I did.
If you have a very logical mind like me, I know how it may be to believe in all this woo hoo.
Trust me.. it took me A LONG TIME to finally feel connected to my purpose and my soul and the Universe, but now that I have I would never go back to the close-minded person I was before, the person who actually used to make fun of people that did the things I am doing now (Kirk reminds me of this almost daily). Trust me, I know it can be difficult, but just TRY it, because the title says it all.. meditation saved me.