See Ya October

Okay October… I am SO ready for you to be done. 

I feel like you have been kicking me when I am already down. I am barely holding it together, and just when I think I can make it through you come in with another blow.

In this month alone, my car broke down causing us to spend more than $700 to fix it. We lost Kirk’s uncle only days after he informed the family that he had terminal cancer. Our first ever pet together passed away last night, and my final pay cheque of the month is delayed.

I have been telling myself to not feel bad. I have been telling myself that other people have it worse so I have no right to feel down and out about some ‘minor’ setbacks. But then I realized.. my feelings are valid. I am feeling beaten down and I am worthy of feeling that.

I am, however, not lost to the things that are going well in my life. I am grateful that although my car broke down, I HAVE a car to BE broken. This is the first time in my entire life that I have my own vehicle, and I am grateful for that every day. I am also grateful that Uncle Kelly is no longer suffering. For as long as I have known him he was either fighting cancer or in remission. I am filled with so much love that my parents will host a funeral for mine and Kirk’s rabbit today, and that he went quickly. I am also very grateful that I HAVE one final pay cheque to pay for my superfood shakes.

My heart is filled with gratitude, but it is also filled with grief. 

The Universe was definitely testing me this month, I am not sure why, but I have full faith that it is for something good. Most things in life do not come without a little bit of challenge, and I know that the challenges I have faced this month are only going to propel me to the good. However, although I am grateful and gratitude is definitely important to get you through the bad times, it is important that I validate my feelings. Are there people who have it worse than me? Yes. Are there people who face these kinds of challenges on a daily basis? Yes. But that does not mean that my feelings are not valid. I am worthy of feeling down. I am worthy of taking days to myself to dig deep into my feelings. But more than that.. I am ALLOWED to feel my feelings despite how other people may feel about them.

You are also worthy of feeling.  

You are worthy of GOOD feelings. You are also worthy of BAD feelings. If you need a day, take a day. If you need a week, take a week. But never, ever think that how you are feeling is not valid. Every emotion you feel is worthy of showing. YOU are worthy of expressing emotions. More so than that.. YOU ARE WORTHY.

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