See Your Desires

Over the past two weeks I have been trying to heal from and grieve for the passing of my grandma. I allowed myself time. I did not push myself to do tasks in my coaching that made me anxious. Such as posting, or sending messages, in fear of getting rejected. But..

Yesterday I dove right back into my coaching regiment. 

Although I really do love what I do, being away from coaching for so long made all of the tasks I had to accomplish pile up, which made me extremely anxious. I took that anxiety with me all day. I snapped at my tutoring students, and I came home feeling light headed and exhausted. I was so anxious that I even felt that way when I woke up this morning. I had no desire to journal. I could barely find anything I had accomplished over the course of this year, and I had very little gratitudes to give.

I ended my journaling session by surrendering to the Universe. 

I spoke to the Universe and told it how I felt. I felt overwhelmed, I felt like I was not ready to dive back into coaching, but that I felt like I must. I put all of my doubts and feelings on paper. I surrendered all of my feelings over to the Universe. I then lit a candle, sat down on my meditation cushion and tapped out my feelings.

If you have never done EFT before I highly recommend it! You tap on your meridian points, essentially your stress points, and release any judgement you may feeling towards a person. In my case, it was my judgement towards myself. The judgement that maybe I was feeling the way I was because of something that I did. Maybe it was because I decreased my anti-depressant dosage during a hard time. Maybe it was because I was not yet done grieving my grandma and I jumped back into work too soon. Or maybe it was because I had not jumped back into work soon enough so I let the tasks pile up. Maybe it was my eating habits that made me feel so down.

All of these thoughts ran through my head as I sat on my pillow and tapped out my judgement. 

Then I pulled my three cards for the day, and, as usual, the Universe responded with just the right words: “My eyes will see what I desire” was the first card I pulled. That hit me like a ton of bricks. Although all of those ‘maybes’ were inevitably true. I wasn’t done grieving my grandma. I had decreased my anti-depressant dosage, and my eating habits have been anything but stellar these past few weeks. These are not the main reasons why I continue to feel the way I do. They may be the background causes, but they are not why I continue to spiral downward. I continue to spiral because I keep focusing on them!

Instead of determining why I am feeling the way I am and then moving on to fix those causes, I have continued to judge myself for them; therefore, only seeing the negative. That card pull reminded me that although I may be going through all of those things and more, by focusing on them I am only going to continue to spiral downward. I need to focus on the positive. I need to focus on the fact that I have enough money to buy Christmas presents this year without going into credit card debt. I need to focus on the fact that the rest of my family is healthy. But what I most need to focus on… is that I have navigated through the hardest challenge of my life so far, and I did it with grace.

Are you feeling down? Have you determined why you are feeling that way, but do not push to change it? Here is your push to go change how you are behaving!! Stop figuring out the problem and then staying stuck in judgment because you have some bad things going on. Make a change. See the positive and your life will turn around.

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