One resolution that I have this year is to no longer judge other people.
For the longest time I would become so wrapped up in what other people were doing.. what I thought they did right, and what I thought they did wrong that I would gossip. UGH. The worst! I would look forward to getting together with friends JUST so we could gossip about other people.
That is just so unseemly.
Over the years I have found that it not only doesn’t serve other people, but it doesn’t serve ME to judge and gossip about them. When I would judge I would become more self-conscious wondering if they were judging me. When I gossiped I would worry about whether they would find out.
I was in a constant state of worry.
Last year I became slightly better with my judgements. I realized that what I was judging about other people was simply a reflection of how I was feeling about myself. I used those judgements to look inward to see [my] flaws and what [I] had to work on. However, I would still gossip and compare myself to others.
This year I have come up with a mantra to remind myself that comparison and judgment is just not the way to go. My mantra is:
Comparison killed the cat.
This is a play on “Curiosity killed the cat”. Since I am 100% a cat lady, anything that MAY kill my cats is not tolerated. So by writing this mantra out every morning in my journal and reminding myself of it throughout the day I am working on no longer comparing.
Comparison and judgement are cousins.
True.. judging and comparing are not exactly the same thing. Judging is putting negative emotions on to someone else, whereas comparing is putting negative emotions on to yourself. BUT they are closely related. When I find myself comparing I know judgement is soon to follow. So instead of allowing comparisons (which won’t serve me anyway) I am stopping my negative thoughts at my comparison, not allowing them to go any further into judgement.
Judgement and comparison is something I believe EVERYONE should work on. If you are at a stage where you haven’t even tried to work on your judgements, I would advise you to think about what your judgements show about YOU. Every thing you judge in another person can be traced back to something you judge in yourself. If you are having trouble identifying your judgements here are some tips to follow:
1. Get out a journal/ piece of paper and draw four columns.
2. The first column will be where you write down all your judgements. It can be anything from judging money for not being abundant enough to judging your father for abusing you.
3. Once you have completed the first column write out how those judgements make you feel. If you use the money example from above, it may make you feel inadequate, broke, overwhelmed and depressed.
4. In the third column you will write out why you feel justified in your judgement. Example: “because money has never been there for me, I have always been broke.. barely getting by”
5. In the fourth column you will write about an incident that made you feel justified in your judgement. For example: “when I went to the grocery store and my card was declined”
6. Once you have completed your chart you will then free write about how all of the judgements made you feel and what they made you realize about yourself.
* this may take more than one session *
Start today! Work towards making 2019 a judgement-free year. This will not only make you happier, but those around you as well!