I spent YEARS hiding my emotions. People often thought of me as cold and analytical because I would tell them what I was thinking with little to no emotion behind it. It wasn’t because I had no emotions, it was because I was terrified to show them. I was terrified that if I showed them I would be judged.
Then I learned emotions are my superpower.
Being emotional and opening myself up is how I came to be the influencer I am today. Through my emotions I was able to create a community of interconnected women who cheer on and support one another. They didn’t come to me because I told them how it is.. they came to me because I SHOWED them how it is.
Through my raw, open emotions I was able to create a sense of intimacy and trust within my accountability community. Even a year and a half later it still astounds me.
I grew up with two very different opinions on emotions.
My mom was an open book. She showed all of her emotions on her sleeve. You knew when she was sad, mad, and frustrated because she told you and showed you. She was not afraid to let people know just how she was feeling.
My dad was a closed book. To this day I have only ever seen him cry once and that was at my grandma’s funeral back in November. He often promoted being analytical and not allowing your emotions to get in the way of your decision-making.
For the majority of my life I was like my father.
People with “too much” emotion annoyed me. I often tried to avoid the people who openly expressed their emotions. They intimidated me. They seemed like way too much to handle.
This made me seem like a cold bitch .. for lack of a better word.
The truth is, I wasn’t avoiding these people or hiding my emotions because I thought showing my emotions was wrong… I was doing this because I was scared. I was so scared that if I put myself out there I would get hurt. It seemed so much easier just to hide my emotions and put on this front.
Then I discovered just how wrong I was.
When I began to express myself I was able to heal deep wounds within myself. I was also able to connect with people who got me. I was able to form friendships based on mutual trust and respect, rather than just becoming friends with people who showed the least amount of emotion. I also found that it was a lot easier to communicate with the people around me when I just expressed how I was feeling in the moment rather than bottling it up inside.
For the person out there who is struggling right now with their feelings.. I want to ask you.. are you willing to put your fears aside to create close and intimate relationships?