Happy Medium

Having a type A personality but also having depression is a very difficult thing to juggle.

When I am having an episode all I want to do is forget everything on my to-do list and lie on the couch, but the thought of that makes me crazy. Not checking off everything on my list every day fills me with dread, no matter the state of my mental health.

This has always been a battle for me, but I would often push through and ignore my depressive state so that I could be productive. But this was when I was on medication and it was giving me some extra happy hormones. Now that I am off of medication is up to me to holistically help myself become happier.

Finding that middle ground has proven to be very challenging.

Today I am having an episode. I could tell from the moment I woke up. I was wired, yet tired. I didn’t want to journal, I could barely push through my workout and I was irritable. These are all signs that I am struggling.

After my workout I sat down at my desk and wanted to cry. I didn’t want to do anything on my list, but the thought of not accomplishing anything made me anxious, so I decided to write a post here. I re-started my post at least three times. Even now I do not know if I like what I am saying, but I need to get it out somewhere.

Finding the balance between pushing, but not pushing too hard is definitely the hardest part of this journey.. but like the card I pulled today there is always a solution of the highest good. I am taking this to mean that there IS a happy medium I just have not found it yet.

Do you struggle from depression, but are a type A personality?! Have you found a happy medium? I would love to know how you do it.

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